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How deal with negative thoughts - How believe in yourself

 Get rid of negative thoughts 

Negative thoughts are a burden. In the short term, they cause bad feelings, poor decisions and block you from reaching your goals. In the long run, they can have a major impact on your health and quality of life.

This blog article comprises two parts. First, I want to show you a method that you can immediately use to get rid of negative thoughts. If that's enough for you: great. If you then want to know what is hidden behind negative thoughts and what you can also do to become more positive and relaxed, read the second part.

Businessman shocked because of company bankruptcy

Stop negative thoughts in 3 steps

So let's get straight to the method of stopping negative thoughts. It consists of 3 steps:
  • Recognize negative thoughts
  • interrupt,
  • correct.

Step # 1 "Recognize Negative Thoughts"

Thoughts are almost always arbitrary and often we are not really aware of what we are thinking about ...
This is a problem because if we want to stop thoughts, we have to be conscious of them first. For this to work, you should make a deal with yourself. From today, make a resolution to really change something in your thinking. Now make yourself aware again why this is so important to you. Why did you land on this blog article?
If you know the point behind why you want to recognize your negative thoughts, then that will work, too. You are now on the alert, so to speak, and your negative thoughts are more noticeable to you.

Step # 2 "Interrupt Negative Thoughts"

If you find yourself pursuing negative thoughts, you should stop this process. There are various methods for doing this. One of them could be: take 3 deep breaths. Just pay attention to your breath and feel into your body. You just don't think of anything for a moment. If you like it a little harder, you can pat your thigh with the palm of your hand. Or maybe you want to clap your hands loudly.
In such a moment of mindfulness, you become aware that you yourself are not your thought. Or your thoughts are not the reality. So you can analyze with a cool head what you were thinking and move on to step 3.

Step # 3 "Correcting Negative Thoughts"

In the vast majority of cases, the negative thought does not make sense. Often, negative thoughts are completely stupid if you look at them soberly. You only notice this when you switch to the observer perspective.
Correct your thoughts so that they are of use to you. It doesn't have to mean that you are completely on the positive side. But you should be able to get constructive use of your new thought.
An example: You have a lot to do professionally and the thought occurs to you: "I just can't do it." It's really hard to think like that. You immediately feel small and powerless. It can actually be that you are expecting too much at the moment, and yet you should rather not think so negatively. For example, it would be better to think: “How can I reduce my workload?”. This leads to further constructive considerations and actions.

Your Challenge:
The best thing to do is to start a challenge today: Correct every negative thought for 7 days. If you think negatively for over 30 seconds, you have to start over. Keep playing this game until you win. You will then notice: your brain is no longer in the mood to think negatively. From then on, positive thinking will be easy for you.

A word of warning ...

I want to warn you not to convulsively become a positive thinker. You shouldn't make an ideology of this method. What do I mean by that? Negative thoughts have their purpose. They show us that something is going wrong or that there are dangers lurking in the future.
Therefore, do not judge yourself for your negative thinking! Sometimes it just sucks. It can make sense to call the child by name and not always color everything pink. If you make a challenge out of any problem, you won't see any more problems. That might sound nice, but it can be a gross trivialization and lead to you NOT doing what is necessary to solve a problem.
Therefore, do not become a positive extremist, but always apply your positive rethinking when you notice that you are currently destructive and take refuge in the role of victim. At the same time, accept that negative thoughts will always arise you will have their raison d'etre.

Overthinking about the past

It is normal to keep thinking about negative events from the past. Normal in the sense: It works like that as well as everyone. But that does not mean that it is optimal!
Why do these memories keep coming back? Over is over. A theory that is conclusive for me is: You have not yet drawn any constructive knowledge from this negative event. As a result, your nervous system is restless and keeps telling you the threat of danger.
That would mean that these emerging images of the past disappear as soon as we look at them with open eyes and draw constructive conclusions from them. That's exactly what I advise you to do. It's best to do this in writing. Write down what happened then and what you learned from it. How will you act from today to avoid getting into a situation like this again?
Unfortunately, looking away does not work. We can also see this in the treatment of trauma patients. One method to resolve the dream is to keep telling what happened until you are bored with the story.
So the solution to dispelling musings about the past is to confront what happened and learn a positive lesson from it.

Are you afraid of the future?

Almost never burdened and the present. Almost always the past or the future. Thoughts of the past depress us as we think about what bad happened and what we did wrong. Thoughts about the future frighten us as we think about what could go wrong and what situations we would not be able to cope with.
Of course, we should be somewhat concerned when it comes to our future. Otherwise, we would be too careless with our present and thereby make the future unnecessarily difficult. But once the fear is so great that it inhibits us, it does more harm than it helps us.
I, therefore, advise you to observe carefully what you think about the future. Are these horror scenarios really realistic? Most of the time they are not. Here it is then necessary to rethink.
When it comes to fear, however, rethinking is often not enough. Action must be taken here. If you are afraid of a speech, give the speech. If you are afraid of changing jobs, make the change. Fear only disappears completely when we confront it.
So don't wait until the fear is gone and then act. That's not how the game works. Act now and then notice how the fear disappears. It is much worse to constantly suffer from some kind of fear instead of going into the fear again and again in a targeted and selective manner.


Here are the steps you can take to stop negative thoughts immediately:

  • Realize the negative thought
  • Interrupt the negative thought (take a deep breath, clap)
  • Correct the negative thought

Have faith in yourself - This is the only way to do it!

self confident young bearded guy with tattoo posing indoors in closed posture, crossign arms on his chest, doesn't believe yourself

Saying no, expressing your own opinion, appearing confident, giving lectures, if you have problems with this, you probably lack self-confidence ...

As a teenager, I was quite shy myself. At least so much that I realized: It can't go on like this! I started to build my self-confidence and today I routinely give lectures, speak in front of the camera, express my opinion, set myself high goals, and do everything I couldn't before.

The good thing is: EVERYONE can build self-confidence and thus become more self-confident. In my opinion, it is not enough to use techniques. You should already understand what is behind a lack of self-confidence and that is exactly what you will learn in this article. Also, which exercises really work to help you become more confident.

You are too nice for this world!

When you were a kid, your parents wanted to be able to control you. That made sense, because you wanted to drink detergent, put it in the socket, and simply weren't able to make sensible decisions on your own.
Parents try to raise their children to behave well and to make them obedient. The problem with this is that as we grow up, our obedience prevents us from becoming confident, making our own decisions, and acting successfully in this world.
So we have to get rid of the old behavior patterns and that is not easy for us. Especially not if we are not even aware of it. Many adults still live by the motto "If I am nice, then I will be rewarded, then I will be liked." Which leads to them hiding their opinion and constantly thinking about what kind of behavior is expected of them.
Do you also find yourself wondering what others might think if you behave like this? Do you speak softly so as not to scare others and do you find it difficult to say no?
If you still have the belief that life is easy for you as long as you don't step on anyone's feet, then let's dissolve it now ...
Anyone who is always nice is not respected. Since no headwind is to be expected from you, you do not have to be feared. You can be easily steered and some even use your insecurity for their sadistic games.
In addition, in relationships you quickly slip into emotional dependency, suffer from your poor health status and, of course, earn less money. After all, keeping your head down at work may save you from conflict, but it certainly doesn't mean a pay rise - more likely unpaid overtime.
So if you are always nice, it is by no means easier than the one who gets into conflict. Above all: conflicts are at least worthwhile. They make you stronger, wiser and increase self-confidence.

What do you stand for

The first thing I would advise you to do to become more confident is to become aware of your values. This includes thinking about what your life should ideally look like. You'd better do it right now. Take a pen and paper and answer the following questions:
  • Where do I want to live
  • What should my apartment look like?
  • Which car do I want to drive?
  • Who am I with?
  • What do I want to earn my living with?
  • How much money do I want to earn?
Having a picture of your ideal life gives you security. But only if you adjust your behavior accordingly. If you think you want to drive a luxury car, then you should. Even if people attack you for it, because that is the price for a self-determined life.
Also ask yourself questions about what kind of person you want to be. Which behavior do you think is the right one in relation to your health, your career, your love relationships, your friends, your children? Here you should set up rules for yourself that you think make sense and constantly optimize them. Such a set of rules could look like this:
  • I stand by it when I make a mistake.
  • My diet is 90% healthy.
  • I give my opinion, even if it offends people.
  • I never make myself bad.
  • I learn something new every day.
Read your rules every day, for example at breakfast. If you find a rule not working like this, adjust it. Add new rules when you find yourself unsafe in a situation. The rules won't become second nature to you overnight, of course, but you now have something like a map. You know what behavior you think is right and you become more self-confident as a result.

No self-confidence without self-confidence

Because you know who you are, you can move safely in the world. You know how to behave, where your journey should go, what you are good at, and what you are not.
If you have done the above exercise in writing, you already know your values. What else you should do now: Be aware of your strengths and successes. Answer the following questions:
  • What do I think I'm good at?
  • What have I been praised for so far?
  • What can I do today that I would hardly have thought possible in the past?
  • What am I much better at?
  • What challenges have I mastered so far?
  • How do people ask me for help?
It is best to keep a success journal. Buy yourself a nice book with blank pages. Don't go for the cheapest, but one that conveys value. In this book, you write your successes of the day every evening.
It just so happens that we are mostly concerned with what we are not good at or did wrong. Our brain considers this information to be more important because it wants to protect us from danger. It is therefore our responsibility to consciously and regularly draw our attention to our successes. This gives us greater self-confidence and, therefore, more self-confidence.

Set goals for yourself!

On the one hand, I mean goals for your life. Where do you want to be in 5 years? What do you want to achieve this year? Set goals that are attractive enough to pull you out of your comfort zone. Overcoming hurdles and achieving success increases your self-confidence. It also gives you orientation in life, knowing your big goals.
You will know what the dominant topics in your life are and what you use to define your self-worth. That is much better than trying to please everyone all the time. You no longer have to worry about the intentions of those around you as you represent your own intentions. The more determined you do this, the more people will join your goal and confirm you in your actions.
Also, set yourself small goals for everyday life. For example, if you go into a salary negotiation, be aware of your goal beforehand. Think about the objections you may face and how you will respond to them. When you know your role and intention in a situation, you can act confidently.

The greatest lever to more self-confidence: integrity

Knowing your values and strengths is of little use to you if you are not ready to act accordingly. If you think honesty is important, then you need to act accordingly. If you know you are good at something, say so too. Only when your thinking, your speaking, and your behavior are in harmony can you really trust yourself and therefore appear completely self-confident.
You can think of your integrity as an account. The more points you have in this account, the more self-confidence you have, the more respect you get from those around you, the more attractive you appear to others, the healthier and wealthier you are.
The more you go into the red, the more insecure and fearful you are, the fewer people trust you, the more you are attacked by others, the harder it is for you to stay healthy, to make money, and the less you like yourself.
So it is very worthwhile for you to give your opinion, even if it is inconvenient. Accept unpleasant situations, act according to your values and collect points on your integrity account.

Just be unsure of yourself

What you should definitely not do: Don't judge yourself for your insecurity. As long as you are not convinced that you can handle a situation with confidence, you will feel insecure. This also means: As long as you dedicate yourself to new things in your life, you will be accompanied by uncertainty and that is absolutely right. If you had no self-doubt at all, you would be marching through life like a sociopath and probably not getting very old.
Allow yourself to feel insecure as soon as it arises. Fighting it only makes it worse. Just pay less attention to your feelings, but concentrate on your goal in this situation and behave as you see fit - no matter what others think.


To conclude, briefly summarize what you have learned here:

  • It is hardest for those who are always nice.
  • Make yourself aware of your values (How do you want to live? Who do you want to be?).
  • Be aware of your strengths and successes.
  • Set goals big and small.
  • Maintain your integrity account.
  • Be unsure too.
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